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Legal Humour > Guide to Dealing with Trainees

When dealing with trainees

  1. Never give trainees work in the morning. Always wait until 4pm and then bring it in. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing. If its a rush job, run in and interrupt every 10 minutes to inquire how they are doing. That helps. Or even better, hover behind them advising at every keystroke.

  2. Always leave without telling anyone where you are going. It gives the trainee a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

  3. If the trainee's arms are full of papers, boxes, books or supplies, don't open the door for them. they need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training.

  4. If you give them more than one job to do, don't tell them which is the priority. They are psychic.

  5. Do your best to keep trainees late. They adore the office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. They have no life beyond work.

  6. If a job they do pleases you, keep it a secret. If it gets out, it may do them some good. If you don't like their work, tell everyone. They like their name to be popular in conversations.

  7. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing them with useful information.

  8. Wait until thei appraisal and THEN tell them what their goal SHOULD have been and what their weaknesses WERE.

  9. Never introduce them to people you are with. They have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, they are plankton. When you refer to them later, their shrewd deductions will identify them.

  10. Tell them all your little problems. No one else has any, and its nice to know someone is less fortunate. They especially like the stories about having to pay so much income tax on your recent salary uplift

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